Love is extraordinary. It is a feeling that can be felt by all humans, despite the fact that they may never truly feel it in the same way. Despite that, positive human experiences with romance have caused for there to be some sort of passive interest, for all humans to experience love at least once in their lifetime. As something that can bring high levels of pleasure, and something that can bring high levels of pain at the same time, only one thing can truly be said about love – it is a very complex emotion. To make this already complex process any harder to interpret, It does not help that narcissism can also be a factor in most relationships. The presence of narcissism is extremely detrimental to the forming of relationships.

 In our Russian Love and Literature class this semester, we briefly studied the effects of narcissism within relationships through the study of Lermontov’s, “A Hero of Our Time.” The story depicts the tale of Pechorin, a man with narcissistic habits that affect his relationships with others throughout the narrative, providing the perfect case study for narcissism within relationships. As opposed to the previous conceptions about love – narcissistic behavior is not as difficult to interpret. Although the expressions of this behavior all manifest themselves differently, narcissism is identified mainly through certain recognizable behavioral traits, such as a grandiose sense of self importance, and a lack of empathy for others. 

Pechorin is a prime example of this behavior within the narrative, and most, if not all of his actions taken within the story are for that of his own gain, and not for anyone else. Although his actions might differ slightly due to the behavioral mannerisms and customs differing from the time he is from, in contrast to our own – Pechorin still shows an impeccable amount of narcissism. As a narcissist Pechorin is very vain within his expression of romanticism, and often takes it upon himself to seduce women into loving him to prove something to himself, rather than for the purpose of actually being a part of a romantic relationship with women. He is never satisfied with merely having the affections of a single woman, and seeks to prove to himself his own value by playing games with women, and never reciprocating the sense of attachment that the women who bestow him affection, return to him. He relishes the feeling of dominating the emotions and behavior of the women he interacts with, and meticulously breaks down every woman he deems worthy of his time, forcing them to exist as pawns, in a game with himself. 

Pechorin defends his thinking perspective within the narrative by equating his methods to nothing more than meaningless actions, indicating that the actions taken by Pechorin do not hold any value towards him. “I never became the slave of the women I loved; on the contrary, I  have always gained unconquerable power over their will and heart, with no effort at all…Is it because I never treasured anything too much, while they incessantly feared to let me slip out of their hands?” (101). Pechorin’s analysis of his own behavior provides an impregnable statement towards the morality of a narcissist within a relationship, and further proves that narcissistic behavior is detrimental towards relationships. Pechorin is incapable of allowing himself to feel the same vulnerability that the women who interact with him are instantly made susceptible to. Therefore, while he is capable of manipulating their emotional state and mentality to meet his own whims, this unique effect is unable to be reciprocated by his would-be romantic interests. 

In relationships, an important factor that is scarcely considered is that of the balance of power. By allowing someone to have influence over your emotional state, you are additionally allowing for them to be able to have control over a very important sector of your life. If they are sanctioned the ability to do so, manipulation over this emotional state can cause them to be able to influence your state of happiness, or even being able to plunge it into a state of sorrow. Hence in romantic relationships, where the levels of trust are at default much higher than that of random occasions. To establish interest for someone romantically, one additionally sacrifices the ability for that person to be unable to affect them emotionally, and bestows them a certain level of trust and presence within their thoughts. A narcissistic approach to romance, however, causes for only one side of a relationship to be held to these standards, causing for the narcissistic individual to hold all of the power within a relationship, due to the other partner being unable to share a certain amount of trust and presence within their mentality.

To further explore what the presence of narcissism bestows within relationships, we can once again look towards Pechorin’s behavior. Pechorin relies on other people’s emotions to satisfy his own as a form of admiration and attention. In this sense, the presence of ego, and this pursuit of a false sense of self is the only motivation that invites Pechorin to seduce women. “Ambition with me has been suppressed by circumstances, but it has manifested itself in another form since ambition is nothing else than thirst for power, and my main pleasure – which is to subjugate to my will all that surrounds me and to excite the emotions of love, devotion, and fear in relation to me.” (116). Pechorin and other narcissists alike do not only share the ability to easily manipulate the affections of others with no attachment, but they also share the trait of acting entirely for their envisioned sense of purpose, with no regards for others.

Pechorin is envisioned as the embodiment of the Byronic hero, a hero with a tragic backstory and a rebellious attitude, distressed by wrongs he has committed in the past. Pechorin is additionally envisioned as a womanizer, one who observes the behavioral traits of women in order to form assumptions on their behavior that allow him to be able to manipulate them more efficiently. More specifically, Pechorin is a womanizer that relates very closely to Giacomo Casanova, a man whose name has become synonymous with the manipulation of women in romantic levels, and is known for his deeply observant and patient behavior. Pechorin behaves in a very enigmatic manner to attract the attention of the women who he intends to seduce, and using his observed behavior of them in order to be able to constantly be able to manipulate their emotional states. 

If the sensation of love is supposed to reflect an intense feeling of deep affection for someone, then a narcissistic such as Pechorin, who behaves for the pursuit of his own self-interest and the upholding of a fictional image of himself within his mind, should be incapable of feeling anything even remotely related to a level of affection for someone else. Those who find themselves in a relationship with a narcissistic individual can equate, after some level of observation, that the presence of trust and responsibility within the pair might appear misbalanced. The presence of power in narcissistic relationships is present within one partner, as the other partner is constantly subject to the emotional abuse of the narcissist, who purposely toys with their affections in order to prove to themselves that they are as superior as they might claim. As such, Pechorin and all narcissists alike, harbor self-destructive behaviors that do not promote a healthy romantic relationship, and instead, promote an unhealthy and often abusive relationship.

A narcissist is only as effective as those who can entertain their behavior, therefore, although Pechorin is a narcissist, he is not totally at fault for the events that occur within the narrative. Princess Mary, perhaps due to her position within the narrative, and the setting and time in which the narrative took place, behaves in a way that seems to entertain and invite the narcissistic efforts of Pechorin. As a noblewoman herself, Mary was accustomed to often serving as the object of interest of other men, and often grew bored of exercising these affections, due to her vain behavior. As a result of this, Mary is immediately encapsulated by interest with Pechorin, as he behaves completely different from the other men that she encounters within her daily life. Mary, employed by the customs of her time, desires to conquer Pechorin, as much as he desires to conquer her affections. Mary views his behavior as alluring and intriguing as she has never experienced someone treat her as Pechorin does. As Mary was expected to have been proposed to as a noblewoman, and Pechorin does not propose his feelings towards her directly, Mary is forced to subjugate Pechorin’s games, and falls for his unconventional method of affection.

This shows how people can be blinded to the reality of someone’s actions when they are falling in love with that person. Love is a very complex emotion, that is difficult to interpret, despite the sensation being particularly similar towards all those who experience it. The presence of narcissism is thus even more of a detriment towards the pursuit of a romantic relationship, because of the several impositions on trust and the balance of power that it brings with it. In a romantic relationship, affection is garnered through a sense of trust and responsibility being shared between two partners, and in a narcissistic relationship, only one partner sacrifices their sense of trust and responsibility to meet the desires of another. A relationship describes the interaction that two people have with one another, and a romantic relationship is credited with the presence and value of equal trust with one another. In a romantic relationship, trust is not truly possible, as it is impossible to know how the narcissist feels about their partner, and subjects them to the manipulation of the narcissist.